i had a really bad nightmare last night. to the point where i woke up crying.
not supposed to be the case but it did happen.
i dreamt that my grandma was dying.
and everyone knows how much i love her.
and there was blood everywhere.
damn.
the worst part was that i was trying so hard to save her but i kept getting pushed away.
i think its the feeling where you're getting pushed away that really gets to you.
esp when you want to help someone you love so much.
and that feeling constantly leaves you angry and bitter.
knowing that you can't do anything about it but to stand there and let everything fall to pieces.
but when it comes down to the end, who's to blame?

i had a song in my head last night.
i should have written it down.
and save me from a headache.
when my creativity is out the door.
something this good pops out and i do nothing about it.
i'm going to be a fucking failure when i grow up.

you know those hugs that consumes you.
those hugs that makes you melt on the inside.
those hugs that makes you feel like everything is going to be alright even though things are already in the gutter?
i need one of those.
it has been really long since i had one of those bear hugs.
ain't got no one fleshy enough to give it to me.
yes, these kind of hugs need a lil flesh to make it all better.
what in my life do i need to make better?
well, i need someone like nick to get off my back.
for real, which note to self, ignore him.
i already did.
need to find a job.
need to have the courage and determination to go to CD.
cause somehow i dont feel like i have the strength to do it.
no matter how much i want to do it.
and i want a chance, with you.

i got candy blue nails.
i got my new manicure/pedicure set for less than ten bucks.
no. i only bought the nail file and buffer and base coat and top coat. for 9 bucks.
bought three nail polishes.
omg.
i can open up my new manicure shop with jane!
which reminds me that i need to get new nail colours.
i bought neon green.
and candy pink i think.
needs to buy more nail stuff.
not working in an F&B line does has its perks.

does anyone know where i can get new SD card at a really good price?
i dont have all the money in the world to spend and i dont like going to Sim Lim because there's alot of weird people there.

okay, shutting up now.